Rest

Noise. Supermarket ques. Blaring TV. Road rage. The racket and clatter of motherhood. Stress.

When did life get so noisy?

I’ve started a study by Priscilla Shirer called ‘Breathe’, which is about making room for God to speak and for us to hear what He is saying to us. It doesn’t take long to realize that busyness is actually such a problem. Like, huge. Read that last word again. Busyness seems to be a measure of success. A person with a crammed schedule is successful. Nobody wants to be less than successful, so we keep going and going, saying “yes” to everything until we end up in a miserable, burnt-out heap on the floor. I’m not a working mum, but I have become a slave to busyness. It’s come to the point where if I’m not completely pooped by the end of the day, I feel like a failure. If I get a morning or afternoon free (have to work around little D’s midday nap) I’m immediately thinking, “How can I fill the day? Where can we go? We can’t just sit here at home!” The discontentment creeps in, like a pessimistic house guest, though no one is even sure who invited him.

I know, I know, believe me – when you’re a parent of young children, you do feel like you need to make time go a bit faster, anything to make the kids’ bed time come a bit faster. And I think that’s okay. Some days just feel so long and we have to survive them somehow! But, I’ll admit, it’s gotten out of hand. Somehow, I am no longer content to have a morning at home with the girls, reading books together and building forts. We have to get in the car and go somewhere, do something – anything! I feel like I have to keep up with other mums, who seem to be always on the go. Just yesterday I was talking to a mum who seemed to be completely in shock that I only send my eldest daughter to kindergarten 2 days a week. She asked me, “Why?” in such a way that for a moment I nearly asked myself the same question. It wasn’t even a ‘funny’ thing, she was serious. Why doesn’t she go all day, every day?

Hmm.

What on earth is happening?!

I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum, since before I even met my husband. And here I am! At home, with two beautiful young girls, and a restlessness that I couldn’t explain.

What went wrong?

I think, for a lot of people, a busy life gives them a sense of worth, and I guess that’s true for me too. I’m still working on changing the way I think about my worth. It got to a very low point, but I’m seeing more and more that my worth is tied to God, who created me and loves me to no end.

I think a lot of people, including myself again, feel like they need to control their day rather than trust God. I think a lot of us are worried about what others will say about us if they catch us with our feet up for even just a minute. We don’t know how to be satisfied and we don’t know how to just be.

The general pace of life has sped up. I’m always trying to find short-cuts to make things go even faster, so we can cram even more into our day. I get agitated. At times, I have gotten caught up in myself, my own stuff, my own agendas, and have forgotten about focusing on what God had intended for me – rest, or Sabbath. Creating space to breathe. He knows how much we need it, and it is His gift to us. But, like a spoilt child at Christmas time, I’ve thrown the card aside, hastily torn off the wrapping, and not so graciously thrown it back in God’s face, my disappointment written all over my face.

Stopping and experiencing tranquillity and peace on a regular, daily basis, has become a sort of ‘countercultural act’, a phrase I came across that describes this so succinctly and perfectly. It’s not the norm. And it’s not valued. No wonder there is such a climbing rate of depression and anxiety. Well, it’s certainly played a big role in it. We’re pursuing and pursuing busyness, accumulating ‘stuff’, chasing a fulfilment that will never come, or at the very least, doesn’t last. It’s a vicious but addictive and desperate circle.

God wants us to create space for ourselves, in order to find rest and spend time in His presence. To do that, we need boundaries. The word ‘boundaries’ has so much negativity tied to it. It’s a burden, for some reason. I think we need boundaries to really experience all that God has given us - to its full extent. Boundaries are gifts as well. They are not burdens. The boundaries that God wants us to put up are for our own good. They release us to enjoy the entire space that we’ve been given access to, rather than being insecure and anxiously trying to figure out how far we should go, without any real way of figuring it out. Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)

Sabbath, or rest, is a good thing. The boundaries that protect that rest is a good thing. God is good and he gives it as a gift, fully knowing what we need.

I’ve recently started putting some boundaries around the things that I can sense are controlling me – social media, food, my weight/appearance, shopping. Some people roll their eyes at me or laugh when I tell them I’ve gone back to a basic phone – no apps or internet. I turn it off when I go to bed and leave it in the lounge. I found devices to be a real peace-stealer. They distract me from life. And can I just tell you how free it makes me feel! I want to lose my slave mentality. Jesus didn’t free me, just so I can go running back because I don’t know how to live in freedom. You know what? Since putting those boundaries up, I feel like a burden has been lifted from me. I feel lighter and my mind is free. I have more joy and peace in my life. I have more mind space to think about things that are actually important. I have more time for my devotions, which anchor me to God throughout the day and encourages me. I’m spending more quality time with my kids and making memories.

I think busyness is not necessarily a bad thing. We need to be productive on some level. Besides, I find it hard not to be busy, with a 4-year-old and an 18 month old. The youngest one is a toddler and puppy all-in-one. She’s always trying to lick my face, eats stuff off the floor, needs to be taken for walks to burn off energy, and always seems to be walking around chewing on somebody’s shoes. If I tell her to stop, she looks at me with cheeky eyes, then licks the shoe from bottom to top while staring me in the eye, and laughs.

Life is busy, but it’s about carving out moments to just breathe out and meditate.

I still struggle with my slave mentality, but I’m heading in the right direction – thanks to the guidance and overflowing grace that Jesus has so freely poured over me. When I compare myself to others, I feel guilty, but when I focus on God and my relationship with Him, I see the incredible value in creating margin – a space to think, pray, process things, contemplate, and grow spiritually. Stillness and silence is something I have to look for.

Thanks to Priscilla Shirer for inspiring these thoughts. She’s a cool lady. Go check her out.

My fellow humans, make time to experience peace. Please. Prioritise it, and don’t give it up. Don’t feel guilty about it. However crazy your life is, it will never be complete without the tranquillity and peace that Jesus gives, out of a kind of love that we can’t even comprehend. He loves you, truly, he does xx