Mariet

Baby Boy is turning one tomorrow! Wowzers. It's been a big, big year. And there's been a couple of exciting developments for me in the last little while... On Sunday I did something I never thought I'd have the courage to do. I got baptized! God has been prompting me for about 3 years. The idea was scary to me. Ever since I made that decision, months ago, I've been sweating profusely at the idea of me being the center of attention for even a moment. Walking up to the front. Holding a microphone and talking to a huge building full of people. Not just talking, but telling them something very personal. I've never been one for public speaking. Never. So, on Sunday we went to church. I sat and waited until it was time for all the people getting baptized to go up to the front. The waiting was torture! My stomach was doing flips. My emotions were riding the most extreme roller coaster. I thought I might actually puke, or cry, or something. Oh, I felt ill. I prayed

The weeks are flying by! We're still having heaps of fun over here. Don't get me wrong - it's not all rainbows and unicorns pooping jellybeans. The kids still have meltdowns and to be honest, so does Mummy, but we're alright. We're still enjoying each other and doing heaps of stuff we never really had time for before, (or made time for). Somehow, lockdown has been some of the best weeks of my life. It's been a lot of joy and togetherness in a way that I've never appreciated before.There were a couple of low points too. One of them just a few days ago and it hit me rather unexpectedly. I said something that I shouldn't have and I prayed about it and felt that I needed to confess it to God and ask for his forgiveness. So, I did. But, I kept thinking about it. I just didn't feel forgiven. Foreign thoughts kept popping into my head, saying Are you sure? Are you really forgiven? How can Jesus forgive you for what you said? How can someone like you b

Interesting times huh? I was doing pretty well until the day before NZ went to Level 3. I went to the supermarket and I wasn't quite prepared for it. The empty shelves. The shopping trolleys piled unusually high. People keeping their distance. The occasional face mask. The weird, eerie vibe.  I suddenly thought to myself, "Should I be more worried?" I have to say, it shook me. For a couple of days afterwards, I couldn't relax. My jaw was permanently clenched, my thoughts raced, and I was just on edge. I was watching/listening to every bit of information I could get about the virus and I could feel myself losing grip of my peace. And this is all while I'm on anxiety medication. Yikes.  I realized I needed to get my peace back. I didn't like the path I was heading down. I spent time in God's presence, praying and singing songs of worship. I prayed almost constantly, seeking him and just drawing near to him. Jesus gave me my peace back and lifted the

Five and a half months in and I don't know if I've made that much progress. Some days, I feel like I'm finally back to 'normal' - whatever that is. But often, I feel like anxiety is lurking just below the surface, and I know that if I wasn't on medication, I'd be a mess right now. I know that. It keeps me from falling over the edge, no matter how close I get. My very recent Wellington trip made me realize that. I flew with my five-month-old boy and my five-year-old. That went surprisingly well. What I wasn't prepared for was for my cruisy baby to be really unsettled at night, with 2 of the nights waking every single hour! I felt like a zombie. I'd get up in the morning, feeling like I had been run over by a bus, but after breakfast started feeling okay and more energetic. Then afternoon would come and I felt as if I had hit a brick wall. I just wanted to sleep! As evening approached, I felt that oh-so-familiar sense of dread creeping up on me. It