Peace
Interesting times huh?
I was doing pretty well until the day before NZ went to Level 3. I went to the supermarket and I wasn't quite prepared for it. The empty shelves. The shopping trolleys piled unusually high. People keeping their distance. The occasional face mask. The weird, eerie vibe.
I suddenly thought to myself, "Should I be more worried?"
I have to say, it shook me. For a couple of days afterwards, I couldn't relax. My jaw was permanently clenched, my thoughts raced, and I was just on edge. I was watching/listening to every bit of information I could get about the virus and I could feel myself losing grip of my peace. And this is all while I'm on anxiety medication. Yikes.
I realized I needed to get my peace back. I didn't like the path I was heading down. I spent time in God's presence, praying and singing songs of worship. I prayed almost constantly, seeking him and just drawing near to him. Jesus gave me my peace back and lifted the burden from me. All I needed was to fix my eyes on him and not let myself get too distracted. Since then, I've found myself strangely at peace with the COVID-19 situation. No, I'm not hanging around at the supermarket and visiting friends. My husband has an existing health condition and it would be really dangerous for him to get that virus. So, I'm being sensible. Because, well, that is the sensible thing to do. But am I very worried? No. I'm not. Not anymore.
I have this joy in me that can come only from Jesus. I feel like I'm going to burst! I'm just excited for this period of 'time-out' that we've found ourselves in. Excited for what God is going to do in my family. The potential for growth in so many areas. Our lives have come to a complete stop, in a way. But not in every way! I'm loving the change of pace. I'm loving all the family time we're having. Yes, it's busy sometimes, as it is when you have a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a baby at home. But it's sooo nice. Miss 5 is just obsessed with Baby Boy. She has missed him so much since starting school and I didn't realize just how much. We have even been enjoying Miss 3 being at home all the time - and she is the crazy one. The wild child who shall never be tamed. She will always be a little wild inside. And that's okay. We are somehow managing to keep her busy and we just seem to have found our rhythm. I have been spending so much time with them and I am honestly loving it. This is exactly what my Mama heart needed! It ached with losing my first baby to school and not being able to get those first 5 years back. And now, here she is. Home. With me. With us. I love having all three of my babies with me. My husband and I also needed this, as a family to be together, just to be with each other and actually have energy to put into our relationship, energy that had been used up by the busyness of living in the world we live in.
Yes, things are weird right now. And understandably, people are anxious. I just wish I could share with them the hope there is in Jesus. Yes, the virus is real and it's having some very real impacts on the world and the people in it. But, I just want them to understand that it's not a burden they have to carry on their own. It doesn't have to be like this. The peace I experience when I spend time with God reaches further into my daily life now than I ever thought possible. It spills over into my interactions with the kids, with my husband, and all through my waking hours. Every now and then, I let my focus drift, and things start getting crumbly. But I'm recognizing it.
God is teaching me to tune into my spiritual life, which is not running parallel to my 'real life', but is at the very core of it. It's what matters, when all is said and done. It's not something that exists only if you believe in it. It's a matter of whether you're aware of it. Spiritual warfare is always happening. All around us. While there is this dangerous virus spreading throughout the world, there is also this spirit of fear that is stirring in us. Christians are not that different in that sense. We still fall prey to fear. We are not perfect, and people know it. But I feel that's another blog post. Sadly, we don't always reflect the true character of God. We fail a lot. But that's why we needed to be saved. That's why we all need it. We can't save ourselves, despite the messages the world throws at us.
God does not give us a spirit of fear. Just before Jesus went back up to heaven, he said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." God doesn't want us to tremble in fear. He doesn't want all our waking hours to be filled with anxiety. He doesn't want our heads spinning with what ifs. What if I get this virus? Who will look after my family? What if my husband gets it? What would I do without him? Who will look after us?
God doesn't want that for us. He longs to gather us under his wings. But will we go to him?
When life just feels a bit too much for me and I don't know what to do, I know I can go to him and even if I have no words, I can just be still and let his love wash over me. I can just be and remember who He is. My God is mighty and he is powerful. He is love. Sometimes I just pray, "Jesus". I just say his name. I know with all my heart that he is there. He has made himself known to me in ways I could never deny him.
If you seek him, really seek him with all your heart, he will be found by you x
I was doing pretty well until the day before NZ went to Level 3. I went to the supermarket and I wasn't quite prepared for it. The empty shelves. The shopping trolleys piled unusually high. People keeping their distance. The occasional face mask. The weird, eerie vibe.
I suddenly thought to myself, "Should I be more worried?"
I have to say, it shook me. For a couple of days afterwards, I couldn't relax. My jaw was permanently clenched, my thoughts raced, and I was just on edge. I was watching/listening to every bit of information I could get about the virus and I could feel myself losing grip of my peace. And this is all while I'm on anxiety medication. Yikes.
I realized I needed to get my peace back. I didn't like the path I was heading down. I spent time in God's presence, praying and singing songs of worship. I prayed almost constantly, seeking him and just drawing near to him. Jesus gave me my peace back and lifted the burden from me. All I needed was to fix my eyes on him and not let myself get too distracted. Since then, I've found myself strangely at peace with the COVID-19 situation. No, I'm not hanging around at the supermarket and visiting friends. My husband has an existing health condition and it would be really dangerous for him to get that virus. So, I'm being sensible. Because, well, that is the sensible thing to do. But am I very worried? No. I'm not. Not anymore.
I have this joy in me that can come only from Jesus. I feel like I'm going to burst! I'm just excited for this period of 'time-out' that we've found ourselves in. Excited for what God is going to do in my family. The potential for growth in so many areas. Our lives have come to a complete stop, in a way. But not in every way! I'm loving the change of pace. I'm loving all the family time we're having. Yes, it's busy sometimes, as it is when you have a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a baby at home. But it's sooo nice. Miss 5 is just obsessed with Baby Boy. She has missed him so much since starting school and I didn't realize just how much. We have even been enjoying Miss 3 being at home all the time - and she is the crazy one. The wild child who shall never be tamed. She will always be a little wild inside. And that's okay. We are somehow managing to keep her busy and we just seem to have found our rhythm. I have been spending so much time with them and I am honestly loving it. This is exactly what my Mama heart needed! It ached with losing my first baby to school and not being able to get those first 5 years back. And now, here she is. Home. With me. With us. I love having all three of my babies with me. My husband and I also needed this, as a family to be together, just to be with each other and actually have energy to put into our relationship, energy that had been used up by the busyness of living in the world we live in.
Yes, things are weird right now. And understandably, people are anxious. I just wish I could share with them the hope there is in Jesus. Yes, the virus is real and it's having some very real impacts on the world and the people in it. But, I just want them to understand that it's not a burden they have to carry on their own. It doesn't have to be like this. The peace I experience when I spend time with God reaches further into my daily life now than I ever thought possible. It spills over into my interactions with the kids, with my husband, and all through my waking hours. Every now and then, I let my focus drift, and things start getting crumbly. But I'm recognizing it.
God is teaching me to tune into my spiritual life, which is not running parallel to my 'real life', but is at the very core of it. It's what matters, when all is said and done. It's not something that exists only if you believe in it. It's a matter of whether you're aware of it. Spiritual warfare is always happening. All around us. While there is this dangerous virus spreading throughout the world, there is also this spirit of fear that is stirring in us. Christians are not that different in that sense. We still fall prey to fear. We are not perfect, and people know it. But I feel that's another blog post. Sadly, we don't always reflect the true character of God. We fail a lot. But that's why we needed to be saved. That's why we all need it. We can't save ourselves, despite the messages the world throws at us.
God does not give us a spirit of fear. Just before Jesus went back up to heaven, he said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." God doesn't want us to tremble in fear. He doesn't want all our waking hours to be filled with anxiety. He doesn't want our heads spinning with what ifs. What if I get this virus? Who will look after my family? What if my husband gets it? What would I do without him? Who will look after us?
God doesn't want that for us. He longs to gather us under his wings. But will we go to him?
When life just feels a bit too much for me and I don't know what to do, I know I can go to him and even if I have no words, I can just be still and let his love wash over me. I can just be and remember who He is. My God is mighty and he is powerful. He is love. Sometimes I just pray, "Jesus". I just say his name. I know with all my heart that he is there. He has made himself known to me in ways I could never deny him.
If you seek him, really seek him with all your heart, he will be found by you x
Comments
Post a Comment