Mariet

Baby boy is 3 weeks old. I just don't feel like myself these days. I'm not the kind of person who cries at the drop of a hat. I don't cry in front of people. I don't instantly tear up when people ask me how I'm doing. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve. And yet, here I am. It really doesn't take much. Often, it takes nothing at all. I am just all over the place. I feel empty and numb, like I don't have feelings. Then I feel sad and teary. I've found worship music to be such a comfort to my soul. I had made a playlist on Spotify for labour which I found so good and it really helped me cope through quite a bit of my labour. I focused on the words to get me through each contraction, letting God's peace wash over me. I didn't realize just how helpful it was until a couple of days ago when I was getting sick of silence here at home (must have been a day that my youngest daughter wasn't at home!) and nervously decided to play it ag...

He's here! We now have 2 girls and a little baby boy 11 days old. He truly melts my heart. He's so tiny and new. Goodness. What a whirlwind of a time it's been.... Wow, I was doing so well those first couple of days at the birth centre. I was feeding my baby without help. I slept when I had the chance. I was eating happily. I only called for a midwife for a bit of pain relief every now and then. My sisters commented on how well I was managing this time. How un-frazzled I was for a change. I thought things were really going to be different this time. That is, until we came home and it was coming into the evening... The dimmed lights, the baby stuff, even the baby smell.... Wow . The reaction was strong. It was like a PTSD thing. All those memories from the newborn days with the girls just overwhelmed me. Because I've only ever experienced those conditions while feeling incredibly anxious, it was like my mind and body didn't know how to not react that wa...